Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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