is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
