that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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