Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
