Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
