You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
and she was petting her beer can
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
