Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
