when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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