Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
