Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
