my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
