He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
