As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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