Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
