dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
