she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
