Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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