Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
why do cheetos always look like penises
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
