I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
