i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
