You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
