he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
