Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
