You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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