new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
