I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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