My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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