Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
