did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
