I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
