no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
