Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
