Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
