I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
