i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
