$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
