I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
