After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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