I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
