you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Randomize
