I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
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