I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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