I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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