Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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