You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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