Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
