I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
