You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
