Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
