how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
