we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
