...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
So here I am, sexting at work.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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