how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
