My nipple is on Facebook.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
